things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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