yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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