I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
