we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize