i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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