it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
