I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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