I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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