I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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