Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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