so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
