I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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