I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
