So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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