please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
