Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
