Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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