my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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