Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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