that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
