i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize