she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
