The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
