We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
