I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
