there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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