new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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