So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
