I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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