he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
