No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
