yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
3pm strippers are depressing
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize