ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
