I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
