yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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