I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
