Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
