Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
