Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
