There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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