Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
