i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
