Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
