my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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