I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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