Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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