i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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