I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
