I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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