Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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