well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
