I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
