i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize