You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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