I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
