I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My vagina just clenched in fear
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
