I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
