I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
