come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
