Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
