There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
