hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
