I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can feel your judgement through the phone
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize