I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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