using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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