He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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