oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
