im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
