oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize