Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
