He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
